I have always been skeptical about the whole idea of conning kids into believing a fat man in a red suit comes down the chimney once a year bearing gifts. Or that a little fairy sneaks in when they loose a tooth and gives them a coin under their pillow. Or that a bunny hides eggs all over the yard. So it was especially difficult for me when I had my own kids and seemingly through osmosis, those myths became their reality. I knew that one day I was going to have to confess that I knew all along that none of it was true. That one day was today.My eldest son is ten years old and a most fervent "believer." I had been wondering how long I could let him keep believing without him getting beat up at school when he was asked to read my latest book, Bag Green Guilt, Five Easy Steps: Turn Eco-Anxiety Into Constructive Energy. At one point in the book, unbeknownst to him, I admit to stuffing and hiding Easter eggs. So if he were to read my book, I would have to have a face to face break down of the Santa, Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny situation. Ugh!
My husband's suggestion was to rip out that page of the book. I, on the other hand, felt we owed him some honestly, so I set off upstairs to break it to him. I thought I had a pretty good rap. I started by saying that you know, your dad and I believe in magic and there is so much magic, beauty and goodness in the world. I said, "A long time ago there was a man named St. Nicolas (aka Santa Claus) who was very giving and brought gifts to children in need. Over the years even long after the man passed away, his giving energy has continued on as grown ups all over the world carry out his tradition of gift giving and now it is known as the legend of Santa Claus." Who knows if that is true, but I was going with it. He quickly caught on and said with tears in his eyes, "So Santa is not a real person? Then who eats the cookies and milk we leave for him?" I said, "I do." Then came a whole flood of tears and more and more questions, which quickly transferred to the other mythical characters, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. Oy vey, I had not planned on this, the tears I mean, and then he hit me with, "Mom, this is the equivalent of telling me I was adopted. That everything I had known to be true is not." Whoa. I was really not prepared for that. Trying to think on my feet, I responded, "Nothing has changed, Santa really truly does exist in the hearts and minds of people all over the world. You are still going to get presents from Santa, money from the Tooth Fairy and eggs from the Easter Bunny as long as you live in this house. Just because a physical presence of the character does not exist, doesn't mean the energy and spirit is not there. " Then I gave a whole lecture about what the holidays really represent, giving to those less fortunate, being with friends and family etc. I left his room feeling like a fraud. Why had I led him to believe all of those things only to end up in this situation? I decided to walk back into his room and leave him with a parting thought. I said, "Magic really does exist- it is love, love really is magical, and I love you so much and that is not make-believe."
Wouldn't you know that about an hour after this all went down, he lost a tooth. The Tooth Fairy when outed is not as much fun. I am still going to leave something under his pillow, but I won't be getting the sweet note he usually puts out for the Fairy to read. Sometimes it is nice for us all to believe in magic, and we don't need Santa and friends to do so, we just need an open heart.
heartbreaking, but every parent faces it eventually. you handled it beautifully. honesty always wins.