gottalove

Did You Know Today Is International Women's Day And Women Are Burning Themselves??

2010-03-08T21:54:08Z

We don't really celebrate it here in the United States but in other countries around the world International Women's Day is a national holiday to pay tribute to the economic, political and social achievements of women past present and future. It is celebrated by giving gifts and flowers to women much like Valentine's Day here in the U.S. Although it is a global celebration of women, it is also a day to reflect on women who are still in need of help.

This must watch video below shows girl after girl who has tried to kill themselves by lighting themselves on fire to escape their oppressive and abusive marriages in Afghanistan. Some of these girls were married off as young as 7. Let's be grateful for the rights and privileges we share in the US and raise awareness for those who are still suffering so that someday these injustices may end.

Must Buy - Alaffia Fair Trade Shea Butter from Togo

2010-02-16T21:05:11Z

I first wrote about Alaffia skin care products over a year ago as they make one of the few hand cremes that really helps soothe my cracked winter skin. At that time though I didn't know that their products were made from ethically harvested shea butter from Togo, Africa. I actually didn't even know what shea butter came from until a minute ago, and I bet, like me, most of you couldn't find Togo on a map. Let me tell you why the fact that Alaffia's shea butter comes from Togo got my attention.

I had never even heard of Togo until about five years ago, when I met the man that was to become my daughter's godfather. He is from that tiny West African country (see map) and it made me realize once again how little I know about the world as I had never even heard of such a place. Today I am godmother to his daughter Sofia (see photo below) and I have a new appreciation for the people and culture of this little country.

It turns out that Togo is a large producer of shea butter. Shea butter is the oil from the nuts of wild Shea trees. Shea butter as you probably do know, protects your skin against climate and UV aggressions, wrinkles etc. Unrefined shea butter is a valuable natural resource for West Africa and could be an important tool in empowering local communities. However, most shea butter on the market in the United States and Europe is not fairly traded. The women who gather the nuts and hand craft this remarkable oil receive only a tiny fraction of the final price.

I was floored when I read that according to Alaffia: "It is estimated to take 20 to 30 hours of labor to produce one kilogram of handcrafted shea butter, which is traded at $1 or less in today's market. A woman making shea butter in West Africa will receive only a fraction of this price. Therefore, a person working for 30 hours, almost a week's worth of work, will not receive even a dollar for her efforts. Even if she received the whole dollar, this does not even begin to reach living wage standards."

Knowing that information, I can never again on good conscience buy lotions containing shea butter unless it is from a fair trade company like Alaffia. I hope you feel the same for the sake of the women and children of Togo and other West African nations! You can buy Alaffia products at their website and WholeFoods carries them as well!

Gathering shea fruit is labor intensive, and is usually not factored into the final price.

The Power of Half- What Can You Live Without?

2010-01-29T18:09:15Z

The Salwen Family Home -Source Hannahslunchbox.com

What a wonderful world it would be if everyone gave up half of what they have enough of "whether it is time, talent or treasure". That is what one girl did and it was so inspirational it is now a book, "The Power of Half".

A teenager in Atlanta, Hanna Salwen, convinced her parents to trade in their luxurious home and for a smaller home and give $800,000 to charity. This is one of the most inspiring stories I have heard in a long time as reported in Gimondo:

"Four years ago, while driving his 14-year-old daughter Hannah home from a sleepover, Kevin Salwen pulled up at a red light. On one side of his car was a shiny black Mercedes in the next lane. On the sidewalk was a homeless man, holding up a sign asking for money to buy a meal.

The disparity between the two images shocked his daughter--and she made a perfectly reasonable proposition, or so it seemed to her. "I said to my dad, 'If that guy didn't have such a nice car, then that guy could have a nice meal,' "Hannah told CNN in 2008.

The light changed before Hannah could knock on the Mercedes driver's window to tell him the same thing, but the Salwen family still wasn't off the hook. Hannah wanted to do something to help the less fortunate, and believed that her family needed to get on board.

"What do you want to do?" asked Hannah's mother, half joking. "Sell our house?"

In fact, that sounded like a fantastic idea to Hannah. The family's luxurious 6,500-square foot home was worth around $1.6 million--so why didn't they trade it in for a smaller house at half the cost, and donate the other $800,000 to charity?

Not everyone in the family was wild about the idea initially. Hannah's mother, Joan, considered it her dream home, and her younger brother loved having a large room with space for all his toys. But nonetheless, when Hannah told her family that was what she wanted to do, the rest of them jumped on board.

"It was a challenge," said Joan. "It was a test, almost, to see: How committed are we? I mean, how serious are these kids about what we should do? And they all nodded and there we were."

The family put the house on the market in 2007, and launched a website sharing details about their project, called Hannah's Lunchbox. They picked out a smaller, far more modest home to move into.

The other $800,000 would be given to a non-profit group called The Hunger Project, and would be distributed to more than 40 villages in Ghana. The money would go towards building infrastructure and support systems to help villagers become self-sufficient and independent. The Hunger Project's vice-president, John Coonrod, believes the money could help as many as 20,000 people.

Now, Hannah and her father have teamed up to write a book about the project,The Power of Half, about how a teenage girl's idealism helped her family to look beyond themselves and make a true difference in the lives of others.

If you're inspired by the Salwens' example, but aren't ready to pack up and move just yet, don't worry--there are plenty of other things you can do.

"No one expects anyone to sell a house," Hannah told the New York Times. "That's kind of a ridiculous thing to do. For us, the house was just something we could live without. It was too big for us. Everyone has too much of something, whether it's time, talent or treasure. Everyone does have their own half, you just have to find it."

Buy The Power of Half on Amazon."

A National Day of Service to Honor Martin Luther King, Jr.

2010-01-16T17:41:27Z

By Linda Shiue

Martin Luther King, Jr., January 15, 1929 - April 4, 1968.

Honor his memory by helping others on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, January 18, 2010, a National Day of Service. Find out where to volunteer in your community.

Civil Rights from A Child's Perspective: Martin Luther King, Jr.

2010-01-16T17:33:02Z

By Linda Shiue

To a child born in the 2000s, the Civil Rights Movement of four decades ago is ancient history. We all enjoy freedoms and a level of equality that would have been unimaginable without the hard work of Martin Luther King, Jr., and other leaders of the movement. The first Presidential election they remember elected President Obama. Gay marriage is not a novelty to them. It would be understandable if this generation knew little of the struggles of the past. Few American children today could imagine the courage it took Ruby Bridges just to go to school every day, as Norman Rockwell depicted in The Problem We All Live With.

In hopes that Martin Luther King Day has more meaning to today's children than just a day off from school, I talked to my kids about it. They had both spent a few days last week in class learning about Martin Luther King. I was curious to hear what they understood from what they were taught in school.

I asked my seven year old to tell me why she has the day off from school for Martin Luther King Day.

Me: Who is Martin Luther King?

7 y.o.: Martin Luther King was born in Atlanta, Georgia. His family called him MLK when he was little. He had a sister named Christine. He started high school when he was fifteen,which was very young. He went to Morehouse College. He married a beautiful lady named Coretta Scott. Then they had their first baby, Yolanda King. He became a minister in Montgomery, Alabama.

Me: Why is he important?

7 y.o.: He is important because he made alot of speeches and helped our United States. He helped by making speeches and working really hard. He helped our world my making everything equal. He got arrested sixteen times. Then one day, Rosa Parks went on a bus. She was very tired because of the sewing she did. And then a white man came and told her to get off. But she said no. She got arrested. So Martin Luther King had a meeting. He said that people shouldn't ride buses until the law changed. Instead, they should ride carpools, walk, or bike to work. This was called the bus boycott. It was almost a year before they changed the law. Finally, they changed the law that African Americans and Africans could sit wherever they want. And, they didn't have to get up when a white person told them to.

Me: What happened to him?

7 y.o.: He died when he was on his motel balcony and he was talking to his garbage worker friends. A man was on the other building and shot him on the head.

Me: Why did the man shoot him?

7 y.o.: He did that because he didn't want everything to be equal. Because he still thought whites were the best. The man has black hair and got arrested.

The Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial, San Francisco. Photo from the Yerba Buena Gardens website.

I also asked my kindergartner what she understood about Martin Luther King. It took a while longer to figure out what she had learned.

Me: Why don't you have school on Monday?

5 y.o.: I don't know. Holiday?

Me: What holiday is it?

5 y.o.: Martin Luther King.

Me: Who is Martin Luther King?

5 y.o.: President?

Me: No...

5 y.o.: I forgot!

Me: Do you know what Martin Luther King did?

5 y.o.: Oh yeah! He did a lot of speeches.

Me: Do you know what kind of speeches?

5 y.o.: "I have a dream."

Me: What was that speech about?

5 y.o.: It's about so children can go to school together.

Me: What children?

5 y.o.: White children and African-American.

Me: How did you learn about this?

5 y.o.: Our teacher told us. And we watched a movie, of "I Have a Dream."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK, that was pretty basic. But I am glad that my daughters have great teachers who are teaching them important history lessons in a time when education is increasingly focused on standardized tests. Living in a time and place where equality is considered a given, it is easy to be complacent, and forget how long it took to get here.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Ways to Help Haiti Today

2010-01-13T16:35:28Z

Image via Wikipedia

By Linda Shiue

It will be some time before anyone knows the extent of the devastation in Haiti from yesterday's earthquake. The prediction right now is that there will be thousands of deaths.

It is clear that a lot of help will be needed in this island nation in the Caribbean, which has long been impoverished. If you are wondering how to help and able to do so, please take a look at this blog listing 6 easy and direct ways to send your help to Haiti right now. Some of these organizations were familiar to me, and others I am glad to learn about. I am particularly inspired by Partners in Health, run by Paul Farmer, which provides culturally sensitive, empowering, direct and truly effective healthcare to people in Haiti and other countries.

L'Union Fait La Force

Strength Through Unity

A New Year's and New Decade's Resolution for 2010: Altruism

2009-12-31T03:47:02Z

Image via Wikipedia

By Linda Shiue

2010 brings not just a new year, but a new decade, for a fresh start. Rather than a long list of resolutions, having one unifying theme might be more realistic and attainable. For the next decade, I propose altruism. Few would argue with the idea that helping others is a good and kind gift to society.

Giving, it turns out, may help the giver as well. (You give, you get.) In Buddhism and Hinduism, this is known as karma. Colloquially, we call this "paying it forward."

Science agrees: multiple studies in the medical and psychology literature have shown both mental and physical health benefits to the giver, or volunteer. You don't have to be Mother Teresa to reap the benefits. If you give even to a smaller degree to others, you will feel better: A 2002 study published in the journal, Pain Management Nursing, showed that patients with chronic pain who volunteered showed improvements in pain, disability, and depression immediately after training and after volunteering for several months. A review, published in 2005 in the International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, showed that "a strong correlation exists between the well-being, happiness, health, and longevity of people who are emotionally and behaviorally compassionate, so long as they are not overwhelmed by helping tasks." Not enough for you? Another study showed that volunteering may help you live longer: a 1999 study in the Journal of Health Psychology showed that elderly people who volunteered were less likely to die, compared to their non-volunteering peers. In these studies, people got the most benefit when their giving involved direct contact with others. A recent study showed similar benefits to caregivers. This type of research is discussed in further detail in Stephen Post's and Jill Neimark's book, Why Good Things Happen to Good People.

In a self-help book/memoir, 29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life, the author, Cami Walker, shares her personal experiences along these lines. Ms. Walker was diagnosed in her early 30s with multiple sclerosis (MS). MS is an illness for which we don't have great treatments, so many patients with this illness seek out other forms of support, including alternative medicine. Along these lines, Ms. Walker sought out the advice of a holistic health educator, who gave her a prescription to spend 29 days doing something for others each day. In her book, Ms. Walker describes how she felt better in her daily functioning after the 29 days of giving, with decreased pain and increased mobility. Her acts of giving consisted of small gestures such as making supportive phone calls to her friends, or giving a smile to a stranger. As a way to share her positive experience with others, she has started a related website, 29gifts.org.

Several others who overcame personal difficulty by reaching out to help other people are profiled in The Courage to Give, by Jackie Waldman and Janis Leibs Dworkis.

Giving to others is a wonderful goal. Now it turns out that the giver may also benefit in return. Something to think about as we begin a new decade.

***

Volunteering resources: http://www.volunteermatch.org/

Alyssa Milano Gives Up Her Birthday

2009-12-11T02:31:52Z

I loved her on Who's The Boss and I loved her on Charmed and now I am really loving her in real life. Alyssa Milano is now supporting one of my favorite charities by giving up her 37th birthday. The Huffington Post reports:

"I'm giving up my 37th Birthday and it has nothing to do with vanity or nearing the big 4-0. I couldn't care less about numbers as they pertain to my age. I do, however, care about age when it pertains to those throughout the world who don't make it to their 37th birthdays because of a lack of clean drinking water and proper sanitation.

As a goodwill ambassador for UNICEF and the founding ambassador for the Global Network, I've traveled to the field and seen firsthand the devastation left behind by waterborne illnesses. On these trips, I've run the gamut of emotions that range from mind-bending anger to heart-warming hope. Upon my return from the field, I count my blessings, and then as time passes, I become frustrated with myself that I'm not doing more to alleviate the pain of those I met on my journey.It is because of this very frustration that I decided to give up my birthday. I have everything I could ever want or need. All I want is to provide life-giving water for 10 communities, 500 families and 2,500 people. This is my Birthday wish. In lieu of spending money on a party or presents, I'm asking people to donate to my Charity: Water campaign and help make my wish come true.

Charity: Water is a grassroots non-profit that was founded in 2006. In just a little more than 3 years, they've engaged more than 75,000 donors around the world, and raised over $13 million for operations and water projects. 100% of public donations directly fund water projects. They've funded 1500 water projects in 16 countries that will serve over 800,000 people. Simply put, Charity: Water, funds clean water projects that save lives.

Currently, almost a billion people in the world don't have access to life's most basic need: clean and safe drinking water. That's 1 in 8 people on the planet. Over 200 million people right now have a water-related disease called schistosomiasis... It's a fancy word for parasites. Worms. When you see a heartbreaking photo of a malnourished child with an extended belly, that child most likely has this waterborne schistosomiasis and no matter what food or nutrients you give them, without proper medication and clean water they most likely will not survive.

As we take a sip of our water from the fridge and don't think twice about it, there are people that have to walk hours a day fetching unsafe water from remote areas. Imagine that. Imagine having to walk for hours and hours, every day, just to retrieve contaminated water that will most likely get you sick and maybe even kill you. And the time spent collecting this water, keeps children out of school and women from pursuing economic growth. Not having access to clean drinking water perpetuates the cycle of poverty.

No child should ever die from a preventable cause and 4,500 children will die TODAY from water-related illnesses. This year, in this country alone, we'll spend about 450 million dollars a year on presents, decorations and "stuff" for Christmas. That is enough to give everyone on earth clean, life-giving water, a couple of times over.

I believe it is innately within us, as warriors of the human spirit, to give to those less fortunate. Sometimes, we just don't know how to go about doing it. If this rings true for you, I encourage you to watch the below video, be inspired, and join me by starting your own holiday campaign today athttp://www.charitywater.org/holidays."

• • • • • • •

Ingenuity, Resilience, and Chronic Illness-- and a Cute Pet Trick

2009-12-02T02:15:57Z

By Linda Shiue

Not just a cute pet trick, this video made me think about how much our attitude towards life shapes our lives. There are optimists, there are pessimists, and there are realists who still manage to make the most of their situations. I am constantly inspired by my friend, Rachael, whom I see in the third category. She has faced many challenges in her life, but has never let them stop her. To the contrary, she has used those challenges as jumping off points for embarking on new directions in her life and career, and with little, if any, complaining. She really embodies the saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." (I don't think she actually says this.) Rachael was diagnosed with a chronic illness during college, which has brought her many physical challenges. But she has always faced those challenges and not only adapted to them, but thrived. When the brilliant Hawaiian sun became off limits to her, because sun exposure worsens her illness, she did not stop playing tennis. Instead, she switched to playing tennis at night. Similarly, when Western medicine caused seemingly more side effects than benefits, she turned to holistic or integrative medicine. She is now working on a DrPH (doctorate in public health) that is investigating the use of integrative medicine by transplant recipients like herself. She has also been recently appointed the Executive Director of the Hawaii Consortium for Integrative Healthcare, a community of Hawai'i organizations dedicated to improving quality of healthcare by finding common ground with Western medicine and traditional, natural healing practices. The Consortium's primary activities include education, research and collaboration. To me, it seems like she is able to find not just the bright side, but the absolute benefit in what could otherwise appear to be a negative situation. Or as she put it herself, "maybe perspective is but an aspect on living versus thriving." The video clip is a great example of this. Waylaid temporarily by some medical issues that are limiting her activity recently, Rachael had to come up with a way to walk her two new adopted dogs, Mana and Pua. (Manapua is the Hawaiian name for a Chinese style pork bun.) Check this out! These are some lucky dogs to have been adopted by someone with so much ingenuity and resilience.

Natural Pet Toys

2009-11-19T17:52:59Z

We haven't even taken our new puppy home yet and I have found a stocking stuffer for him! I love these adorable wool toys by Cheerful Pet. Not only are they eco but they help Nepali women and children have a better life! Read why:

"A Cheerful Pet loves pets and they have a passion for helping people. Their goal is to provide your pets with unique, fun and colorful products. Their products are designed in America and then handcrafted by artisans in Nepal with the help of a designer. Each piece is individually handmade with 100% all natural New Zealand wool. Therefore, each product you receive will truly be a one-of-a-kind piece of art!

By purchasing these products, you are helping Nepali women provide for their families and giving them an enriched quality of life."

Or how about a Dreidel by Multipet?

Taking the Plunge to Puppydom

2009-11-04T05:05:06Z

Not sure what I could possibly be thinking but I 'bought' a puppy today. And I hesitantly use the word 'bought' for two reasons. One because I never in a million years would think I of all people would be someone who would get a dog from a breeder. I am a pound person. I love the idea of rescuing a dog and 'adopting' him. I have no need for pedigree or an expensive canine. The second reason I hesitate to say 'bought' a dog is because when the money is exchanging hands and the little pup is looking up at you and the whole transaction it feels really dirty. Like a man paying five camels in exchange for marrying your eldest daughter. But whatever, I guess people buy pets and they even buy babies, it is just a funny thing if you think about it. Anyway, I didn't go to the pound as I wasn't even looking for a dog, it just ended up in my in box one morning. Well, not the actual dog, but an email from a neighbor talking about a litter of puppies. She included fabulous videos of the puppies that made my heart melt. Just for 'fun' I went to see them and then I got sucked in. Turns out they are hypo allergenic, non shedding and just the cutest things I have ever seen. Next thing I knew, I was handing over the cash. Now I haven't actually taken possession of the puppy who we are calling 'Bear' (see his photo above), as he is still too small, but I will give him as a surprise on Christmas day to my daughter.

So now I am sitting here with only his photo going what in the world have I done!?!? I have no regrets (yet) and am excited to have him in our life but there are things to be done- fences to be built, dog beds to buy, books to read. I have embarked on the journey to Puppydom and there is no turning back. I feel like I have entered into a new club. I guess the same way you feel once you have a baby. Now friends with dogs are offering me puppy play dates. A whole new world (and dog park) has yet to be explored. Wish me luck! If you have any advice please let me know!

Charlize Theron Kisses a Girl For Charity

2009-10-23T16:19:41Z

Now if that headline doesn't get your attention I don't know what will! Last night was the 2nd Annual ONEXONE Foundation Gala and I was privileged to attend and witness great acts of giving by guests and celebrities alike. The event was supposed to be hosted by Matt Damon as it is the organization he is working hard to promote however Matt had a family emergency and could not be there (please send good energy his way).

None the less, the evening was magical. Performers including Carlos Santana, Josh Groban, Spencer Day and a 8 year old Ethan Bortnick piano prodigy made the evening unforgettable. Or maybe it was Charlize Theron's kiss of another woman that did that (see exclusive photo above)! During the auction, she was able to up the bids by offering a kiss to the highest bidder- 7 seconds for a guy... 20 seconds for a girl.... her boyfriend i am sure was relieved that a girl had the top bid! Charlize was actually auctioning off a trip to the Soccer World Cup in her home of South Africa and just threw the kiss in there to seal the deal! $140,000 later, the deal was done!

Charlize has a charity of her own LAFC, that is partnering with ONEXONE. LAFC is building soccer fields in South Africa for under privileged youth to help them on a path to a better life.

Jeremy Piven auctioned off a speaking part on the show Entourage that went for well over $100,000. By then it was getting late and I actually had to run home to relieve my babysitter so I missed the Snow Patrol performance that was the big headliner.

Read more below about ONEXONE and what they do. David Arquette is on the Board as well as a slew of other movers an shakers. Definitely a worthy cause, and a great event!

ONEXONE is committed to supporting, preserving and improving the lives of children at home in the U.S., Canada, and around the world. Through its ongoing campaigns, ONEXONE is dedicated to helping create a world where children can live safely and with dignity:

	Every child has clean water to drink.
	Enough food to eat.
	Where no child suffers or succumbs to illness due to improper or insufficient medical care.
	Where school and learning are a right and not a privilege.
	Where every kid has the chance to just be a kid.

ONEXONE's mission is to preserve a basic quality of life for children locally and globally: because Hope Belongs to Everyone.

ONEXONE firmly believes we all can make a difference, and working together we can change children's lives around the globe - one by one.

ONEXONE is a non-profit foundation. (Donations are tax-deductible)

Guests of the event were given this awesome bracelet ($180 value) by LinksofLondon made especially for the ONEXONE org. I am wearing mine now and love it! It is by far the best take away I have ever received from an event of this kind. It will be a constant reminder of the kids in need who this charity is set out to help. Visit ONEXONE.org to buy one for yourself!

How NOT to Keep a Secret

2009-10-19T19:34:35Z

My husband loves surprises just as much as a little boy does. In the almost 18 years we have been together, he has surprised me countless times, and I have sometimes felt the surprise was more for him, the surprise maker, than for myself, the recipient. His joy at successfully surprising me is exuberant and almost palpable. His most complex surprise was his proposal. I thought the surprise was on my parents, who we had driven six hours to see on a holiday weekend for an unannounced visit. But we were all surprised when, hands messy with melted butter and the juices of Maine lobster, he pulled out the little blue box and announced his intentions to me and my parents simultaneously. Wow. I gave him my biggest display of trust and confidence when he took me on a faraway trip to celebrate the completion of my residency training program by agreeing to get on a plane with him without knowing the destination. Not a bad surprise, either, to wake up and find myself in Rarotonga, the Cook Islands. There have been scores of other smaller surprises through the years, to the point where I am almost disappointed when I expect a surprise, but don't receive one.

So, for his 40th, I thought, what better present than a surprise! Not only does he love a good surprise, but anyone who knows me knows that I cannot keep a secret to save my life, so a surprise from me would be that much more meaningful. I knew that a surprise party was not a possibility, because he really wanted to plan the guest list with me to make sure that everyone important to him was included. But I could surprise him with a present. For his birthday, I gave him three surprises. One, the gift, was refurbishing his father's old watch, which my husband had only worn on our wedding day. (If 40 is not old enough to wear one's "good things" on a daily basis, then when?) The second was my outfit for the party. Several years ago, his mother had given me her cheongsam, which had been made for her in Hong Kong in the 60s. I love these traditional Chinese dresses and I love vintage, so I was excited to be able to get this dress altered in time to wear for the party. Glitz and glam, and also a family heirloom.

The third surprise was the hardest secret to keep, but I thought I had done a good job. Since the ultimate reason for the party was to gather around him the people he loves for a festive time, I worked very hard to make sure that as many of his invited guests could come as possible. The wild card was one of his oldest friends, his best man from our wedding. Since Best Man had just moved from the East Coast to Colorado and had just started a new job, I knew this was a longshot. And to keep his visit a surprise, even harder. My husband and I would look at the Evite responses together, and he would ask me if I heard from people other than through the Evite. I told him not to worry, I would take care of it. He asked specifically a few times if Best Man had gotten in touch with me, but I kept mum, and reminded him that he knew as well as I that Best Man was last minute about things. Closer to the party, as we were planning the seating assignments, I made my first big mistake. While I was careful to not write Best Man's name on the chart, I did include him in the tally, which I had written in the center of each table. I have never thought of my husband as being particularly detail oriented, but unfortunately he was in this case. He looked at the number,11, which I had written on the chart, and started counting the names around the table, "One, two, three,... did you count correctly?"

"Just let me be in charge of this, please," I snapped, and grabbed the paper from his hands. A little fishy. Then, the night before the party, as we were going to sleep, we were talking about the party and who would be there. I told him that I was a bit nervous about having to give a toast, and joked, "Maybe I should call on Best Man to give the toast, like at our wedding." OOPS! I quickly added, "Yeah, I can call him on the cell and put it on speaker during the party." My husband told me he thought that was funny and an interesting idea, and I thought I had gotten away with my slip.

The next day, the doorbell rang and I knew it was Best Man. I called out to my husband, "Hey, come and see who is at the door." He came quickly, laughed, and said, "I know who it is."

Oh well, I guess I was not as crafty as I thought. But at least he was not expecting his father's watch or his mother's dress. I think I am done with trying to keep secrets for a while now.

Kelly Ripa Before and After

2009-10-17T21:48:11Z

I am republishing this post from April 2008 in honor of Ripa returning to All My Children for their 40th Anniversary.. boy has she changed! Vote on which look you like best!

Mark Consuelos and Kelly Ripa 4/29/2001

Mark and Kelly 10/29/07

The only thing that hasn't changed on Kelly Ripa over the last six years is her
affection for her spouse Mark Consuelos. They still look so sweet together. I
can't decide which photo of her I like better. Which version of Kelly do you prefer?

Becoming your parents' caregiver

2009-09-09T17:05:09Z

In traditional Asian cultures, sons are prized over daughters, with the assumption that the son would not only carry on the family name, but also care for the parents in their older years. In modern times, this is often far from the truth. It seems that daughters most often assume the caregiver role, whether by love, duty, choice, obligation, or a combination of these. As mothers, and as daughters, we carry most of the responsibility for caregiving-- not just the doing, but the remembering, thinking, planning and worrying. Add in being the daughter who is also the doctor, and that is a lot of expectation. And so it came-- the moment I have long quietly anticipated-- becoming my parents' caretaker. Recently, I hosted both my parents and my mother-in-law all at the same time. And all, though thankfully not for any urgent reason, decided that they wanted to find a doctor locally for when they visited us. First, I established that the doctor could not, and would not, be me. So I brought them individually to trusted colleagues. But I didn't just bring them physically. I prepared for their visits for several weeks before their appointments. As their doctor-daughter, I first asked them to obtain their medical records, read through them, took notes, and highlighted items to bring to the attention of their new physician. I also helped them to complete their history forms, leaving the sensitive questions for them to fill (you know, things like sexual history and psychiatric symptoms). I made sure that they fasted so that they could get blood tests done. I then gave them space to see the doctor without me, after summarizing my top two or three concerns with the doctor. These are all tasks which many conscientious children who are not doctors do for their parents. But my job did not end there. I spent a few hours searching a computerized medication database to identify my mother-in-law's pills, which she had brought without their bottles. I felt obligated to do this equally to help her and to assist my colleague who would be seeing her. (Please remember to bring all of your medications in their original bottles when visiting the doctor!) My role as doctor-daughter also extends to giving my professional opinion on what their doctor said, interpreting their results, and keeping their medical problem lists in the back of my mind, much as I keep track of my patients' needs. At the end of their visits, just like when I bring my kids to their doctor, I forced my parents to get their shots, and even lied that it wouldn't hurt very much. I then gave them the snacks I had packed to break their fasts. Aside from insisting that, actually, the shots hurt quite a bit, they didn't express very much. But I know that my parents felt proud and happy that I had made this gesture to begin to take care of them. As for me, I was left feeling somewhat stunned with the new responsibility that I had begun to assume-- basically, worrying about my parents both personally and professionally.